Fireworks

I started this blog and started taking on a lot of things in the process. I went back to school. I began a new job. I took up voice lessons. 

Yet, I’m still completely unsatisfied with my progress. 

I have this spark of creativity that exists in me, but it’s like I can’t connect to it. I have such a need for expression. There’s so much I want to say. There’s so much I need to say. But, every time I let myself down. I get in my own way. I know I am a perfectionist. Still for so long now I have been walking through life half alive and half awake. I complete the necessary motions of life, I do what I have to get by, but I never stick to anything. 

I constantly get distracted by the internet, by my family. I get lazy. I get tired. I talk myself out of things. I get down. I put projects off. And I just can’t take it anymore. This is my life. I will not live a safe, average life. I don’t want my life to be ordinary. I want it to be great. I want to be great. I want to be a great storyteller. 

I want to look and feel as beautiful on the outside as I am beginning to feel on the inside. I want to be powerful and I want to be fearless. I want to write and read all the time and not put it off or get distracted. I want to be able to sing in front of an audience and sing well. I want to find a job that fulfills me-I want it to be creative, challenging and fun. 

I want to travel and make a little money and have interesting stories to tell. I want to do things that scare me. I want to be the best me I can be. And I will be. I will be. 

The fireworks are sounding off tonight, I feel my spark-

though it’s escaped my sight, the clock may be ticking, but I’m ready for the boom.