The Girl on the Train

One of my goals for the new year was to read more and I’m well on my way. I still haven’t finished Big Magic, but I’m getting there. It might be because I am just gaining traction on owning my inspiration again lately, but I feel that it takes time to read that book. You need to digest it, to feel it. I’m finding my magic. The book helps you to think like a writer again after you’ve walked away, closed the door and locked it.I can’t say for sure it’s the reason I’ve finally begun polishing the rust off my wheels, but it’s definitely helped me believe again.

I just finished Paula Hawkins’ The Girl on the Train and I loved it. I originally bought it as something to read while I had downtime at my boyfriend’s place, but I could barely put it down. The  characters – each flawed in their own way – appealed to me. The story is written from a vocal point of view (first person narrative) and  as such really hit me. In the past I always focused on the details of my writing, the actual story -what it was about, etc. I obsessed over it.

I used to think I had nothing important to say, write or share, so I never did. Recently I have learned to embrace the voices I hear all around me -the voices of nature, the voices of the artists I listen to, the voices of film characters and literally characters and my own unique voice especially. My story is mine to tell. Other voices -those of artists and my peers may be more appealing, but I cannot be like them, I need to be me.

My new found sense of inspiration and acceptance of myself have been a long time coming, but I know the universe has been smiling down on me the last few months. I have so much to be grateful for – an amazingly gentle -hearted, adventurous person has come into my life, I’ve been blessed with a new job and I’ve been skipping in between homes as I prepare myself to fly out of the old bird’s nest. It’s all starting to come together, actually.

I am very grateful. I find myself continuing to be moved by the beauty of creation. I long for days when I can just go for a drive, run down a new trail and discover and a new place. I guess you can say I’m like the girl on the train finding her magic along the way.

Shana_dark hair

I’m a dark horse now, by the way.

Back with a vengeance

Guess who’s back? Back, back

Back again?

Shana’s back. Tell a friend.

Seriously, it’s been too long. I missed writing, sharing and expressing. So here’s what I’ve got for 2016 – goals.

Goal’s for 2016:

  • Read more
  • Get into better shape physically
  • Save more to move out
  • Attempt to learn a new language (French preferably, as they use it at work)
  • Write more
  • Disengage from conversation that does not serve to build others up or support them
  • Embrace the flaws
  • Take better care of myself- emotionally and spiritually
  • Go to church
  • Be more present on social media
  • Own my voice.

“I came to work.”

One of my goals for the new year was to have more of a presence on this blog, which I still plan to follow through on.

Back in March, I started to access where I was headed and what I wanted out of life. I realized that in order to become the woman I wanted to be, someone who was strong, intelligent, confident and self sufficient I needed to make some big changes. I knew the only way to get ahead was to bite the bullet and start actively working towards my goals.

Since March, I have started two new jobs. I never realized what a huge undertaking that would be, but I am happy to say that I am managing both and making it through each day despite the many challenges I face along the way. I work full time for a public relations agency, which can be stressful, challenging and exciting. I cannot believe how much I have learned about myself, others and the industry within the past few weeks. I also work part-time at a diner on weekends where I serve as a hostess. This position also brings about many challenges, lots of stress and endless drama and entertainment. Needless to say, I am constantly busy and almost always tired. Even at my age, working 7 days a week is exhausting.

However, I know that all the long days, stress and sleepless nights will eventually pay off. Anyone who is successful had to start at the bottom, struggle and work his or her way to the top. I am no different from anyone else in that aspect. I am reminded of my progress every time I login to check my student loans or make an extra online payment each month. The loans are slowly becoming more manageable and beginning to disappear.

I have missed countless birthdays, family gatherings and just about any other kind of social event you can imagine so I can’t say working 7 days a week has been worth it, but I know this isn’t forever. Pain is temporary.

I am so proud of myself for making it this far and putting such a fight. I have truly learned what it means to hustle and hustle hard. I often times fail to give myself any credit for all the work I do so maybe this post will not only remind you all that I am still alive and well, but also that I can do anything that I set my mind to.

Shoutout to all those who hustle out there!